On finding yourself "A Peace Corps Day"

Heyo!

A while back, I wrote a post about what I’ve come to call “A Peace Corps Day.” It's a day I'm sure every PCV can relate to, a day in which you manage to feel a wild combination of overwhelmed, happy, sad, proud, confused, powerful and more in a mere twelve hours. It's a day in which, even if the sum of the day’s parts feels negative, on the whole it’s a net positive and you've learned and grown in some way, big or small.   

I've been here for over a year and it’s been a while since I’ve had “A Peace Corps Day.” They say (I’m assuming “they” refers to some psychologists who studies Peace Corps Volunteers emotions) that there is a totally normal “one-year slump” for PCVs. I've been feeling particularly “slumpy” lately and I definitely haven’t been feeling totally gung-ho. (There I said it, I admit it, I'm struggling, phew it feels good to get off my chest!) I find myself in this toxic place, that dreaded time spent alone with my thoughts when I can’t sleep because a) it’s too damn hot b) the mosquitoes are attacking en masse and c) Peace Corps turned me into an insomniac. In said toxic place, I keep questioning myself “Have I done enough here?” or “Does what I’m doing matter?” and the worst “Am I helping anyone?” Yeah yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before – “Of course you’re helping, don’t be so hard on yourself, so much of the work your doing can never been seen but it’s real, don’t doubt that.” I know, I know, I try to remember. But unlike before when things were new and exciting to me, I am now accustomed to this place, lifestyle, work and culture and finding it hard to break the monotony.  

In all my lamenting the rough patch, I’ve forgotten to look at all the beautiful things that make my experience here so special. I feel that those reassuring moments of “Oh yeah, this is why I signed up for the Peace Corps” have been few and far between. So I’m committing myself to finding “ A Peace Corps Day” and rediscover the “why.” This means, I have to say yes to all those wakes, praying parties, birthdays and church meetings that I have (as of late) been excusing myself from. Just because I’m a year into my service doesn’t mean the integration stops...I have to keep saying “yes” because integration doesn’t take three months, six months or one year. It takes forever. It’s going to take my whole service and then some. I gotta keep pushing to reach it, lest I go crazy. So here are my own tips for how to find yourself "A Peace Corps Day."

1) Set a schedule, but don’t stick to it.

One of the hardest parts of the Peace Corps is not having a routine. So I’ve tried to make myself one. I get up every morning at 6:30 to go for a run and do yoga. Then I eat breakfast and make 1, 2, or 3 cups of coffee while reading the news, catching up on emails (not that I have many) and organizing grant papers or making charlas. At 10:30, I hop on my bike and make the rounds, seeing all the people I need to before they leave for lunch. I come back home for lunch and set out again for groups, rounds or meetings at 3. I’m back home by 7 when I make dinner, hang with Luisa and finally excuse myself for my own quiet time around 9. However, in the Peace Corps world, you can try try try to set a schedule, and something always comes up. And it’s in that “something” that you’re going to find the net positive. So when you’re feeling down, say “yes” to that funeral, the game of dominos, the free cups of coffee and the weird prayer groups even if you’ve been in your site one month, twelve or twenty-four. Saying “yes” will remind you why you came.

2) Eat the food – literally and figuratively.

I was offered two giant cow feet the other day at Mama Julia’s, the woman who has taken care of me and adopted me as her own since Day One. I felt bad saying no, but I just couldn’t stomach the tenderness of the cow nerve. I was imagining the poor spotted creature who walked in his own s*&$ mere hours before landing on my plate. It was all just too much, but somehow I did it. And even though the next day was the worst case of diarrhea I’ve had in this country, eating that cow foot stew gave me an extra hour of bonding with Mama Julia who I learned (while forcing down gooey, tender cow foot nerve) had prayed for someone to fill the void her daughter left when she moved to America last October. Three weeks later, I came into her life. She honestly felt that God answered her prayers by sending me to her and with tears welling up in her eyes as she recounted this moment, I was deeply humbled and reminded again why I am here. I eat with her because she nourishes me with her stories even if her food does not.

3) Teach children their manners.

In the DR, it is not custom to say “please” and “thank you” and it frustrates me so much when I go to the ends of the earth for someone and I only get an “ok.” It’s such a let down when a kid I haven’t seen in weeks runs up to me only to say “What do you have for me?” without a hello. To combat this, I started teaching my kids and youth to use their manners and it's catching on! In those soul crushing days when nothing goes right, you might just come home to find your favorite little girl saying “please can I play with you?” There is no better feeling, you’ll just want to squeeze her and you'll be reminded that yes, you are changing lives. It’ll be fulfilling even if the entire day felt like a bust. 

4) Reflect often, but not too much.

There is a fine balance between reflection and obsession. Us PCVs have many hours to think and be the only company in our own head. Do not use those moments to look in the mirror and lament your adult onset acne or developing double chin. Do not use these moments to invent ailments or convince yourself you have cankles. Use it wisely. It is often only in reflection (writing in a journal, talking on the phone to friend back home, doing yoga, meditating, etc.) that you will find those Peace Corps tidbits, those diamonds in the rough. To accomplish this, at the end of everyday, I try to write in my journal the answer to four simple questions. They are:

            - What did I learn today?

            - What made me laugh?

            - Who did I help?

            - What important thing(s) did I accomplish today?

These questions allow me to reflect, dig up and recover significant moments from my day, and document the precious gems we all too easily lose sight of. 

5) Exercise!

It’s good for the mind and body, but it’s also good to show your neighbors that you are alive and well. They might call you an Olympic athlete, join in the fun with you, or start an exercise regimen themselves since you’re such an amazing role model. And it's reciprocal; you never know what beautiful sunrises, amazing views, wild animals or new burning trash piles you’ll find on a morning run.

6) Remind yourself to keep keeping an open-mind.

Most of us signed up for Peace Corps because we said, “I’m flexible, worldly and open-minded, why not?” Well, a year into service, we can forget to keep an open-mind and will start using scapegoats for our sour puss attitude. “I hate religion, this country is too Catholic, these people are so weird...” But let me remind you that you didn’t sign up for Peace Corps because you’re a judgmental bigot, so why start now? Keep reminding yourself how amazing learning and living in a new culture is, even if your community truly is full of the craziest churchgoers and Jesus preachers you’ve ever met. Something good might come of it. Yesterday I went to an ora santa to bless my cousin Rosalva’s new baby. I sat in the back to catch a breeze as an old doña started chanting. I wasn’t really paying attention to the words, but something strange overtook me and I felt at ease. Just watching dozens of children and women pray, listening to the rhythmic sounds reciting the rosary, I was at peace. Maybe this is how religion is supposed to feel; I was shocked because I’ve never ever felt anything like before. I had a moment of pure clarity when I realized: a) none of my friends in America are doing this right now, b) how crazy is it that this is my job, and c) we should all be so lucky to be here right now. I spent so much time waiting for a moment to reassure me that I made the right decision to spend 27 months of my life in a small Dominican town in the middle of nowhere and in that moment, I was reassured that I was doing it "right." Had I brushed off Rosalva’s invitation, I would have missed the “Peace Corps moment” that gave me just the spark I needed to get out of my rut and keep going.  

7) Call your mom. 

Or your dad. Or your grandma, best friend, brother, sister, aunt, neighbor, etc. Talking to people from home who "get you" but don't necessarily "get it" (your experience and life in some far off land) let's you take time to ramble about the goat that you killed on the bus that afternoon, a great deal you got on on clothes from your favorite Haitian vendor, or a sweet invention you cooked up with your doña. They will say, "That is so strange, what did you just say?" or "You ate a what?" or "That sounds nuts, how did you escape alive?" and you'll realize how damn cool life in the Peace Corps is. You'll find yourself recalling "A Peace Corps Day" you didn't even know you had.

8) Don’t feel bad if you aren’t having the experience you thought you’d have.

What are the odds that your Peace Corps experience would actually play out like the romantic version you drafted in your head before staging? Of course you’re not going to change the world in 27 months, you might not even change your entire community. But you will change yourself and my advice is to try and change at least one other person. Then, you will have done your job. Invest in the people who “get it” or at least those people who care. They’re the ones who will keep your legacy going long after you’ve left. They’re the ones who will make all the difference for your sanity and well-being. Also, don't feel bad if you don't live in horrible conditions without basic amenities like I’m sure we all thought we would have when we signed ourselves up for this crazy job. Some people get tile floors with indoor toilets and it doesn't mean they'll be better or worse volunteers than those roughing it in mud huts with scarily deep latrine pits out you have to cross pigsties to reach. Only in being your best “you” can you truly help. A quote I love by Esther Abraham-Hicks goes like this: “You cannot get sick enough to help sick people get better. You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive. It is only in your thriving that you have anything to offer anyone. If you’re wanting to be of an advantage to others, be as tapped in, turned in, turned on as you can possibly be.” When you find yourself complaining that it isn’t the experience you thought it would be, check yo’self. As long as you’re really trying, saying yes, diving in, digging deep and going big, you’re doing it right.

The best parts of Peace Corps and the answer to the “why” can be found in those all too precious “Peace Corps Days.” Go live them.