On marrying for money

I spent the better part of the morning translating text messages that my Spanish-speaking neighbor sent to his English-speaking bride in the Bahamas. He approached me as I was doing laundry and asked if I could help him translate. I usually get approached for weird gigs like this and I always say yes - whatever I can do to help I guess, a su orden. Usually people ask me to read their medicine bottles, expired medications they bought off the street and were probably once donations to the earthquake relief fund in Haiti, electronics instructions and high school English homework.

This time started out no differently, but you know those moments when you jump into something and it’s only after it ends that you realize what really happened? Well that’s what went down. Only after a few translated messages did I realize that I was negotiating a business deal between a man who married a woman (actually that’s a generous description, she is a 19-year old pregnant girl) for business. He is getting his papers to be able to work and live in the Bahamas, and ironically enough, send money back to his wife and four children here. He’s a fisherman, by no means wealthy but also not poor. He travels for 8-10 months of the year, sending money back to support his family and visiting for a month after every six months abroad.

Most of the text messages comprised of this child-bride saying, “I need money to go to the immigration office, I’m pregnant and won’t walk there.” And him telling me to respond, “Tell her that she needs to go to the office and ask for my papers. Tell her that she needs to convince them that she needs me to go there.” And then she’d say something about not having money again and he’d say, “I can’t give you money if you don’t get me the papers.” After half an hour, they were at a standstill. She wouldn’t go to the immigration office without transportation money and some kind of down payment (I can only assume) but he couldn’t get her the money until he was there. In my head, I kept thinking, even if this was legal, which it isn’t, this is a horribly thought out plan. Who just marries some young girl, doesn’t give her money or instructions, and expects her to walk miles down to the immigration office with a bulging baby belly and no plan?

Do I feel guilty about aiding my neighbor? Kind of. Do I feel weird about how I now see my neighbor? Yes. Do I feel like I can do anything? Nope. Maybe his heart is in the “right” place (in my mind, I interpret “right” as his desire to support his family), but I still refuse to believe that it’s the only option. And then there’s that girl sitting in the Bahamas, married to a flaky Dominican who can’t even send her money she thought would come easily once they were wed. And what of her sanctity? The part that really gets me is how easily my neighbor can talk about it, like he’s gabbing about the weather, and how unaffected he is by falsifying something as strong as marriage. I’ve never been one to know with all certainty that I’m going to get married. In fact, for much of my life I’ve been vehemently opposed to the idea. However, living on this island for two years has given me new perspective on the concept of marriage. That’s a damn strong bond, both legally and emotionally. It’s not easy to get out of and yet I watch so many people here marry for money, visas, the chance of a “better life.” But once that “life” happens, how do you backtrack? How do you then bring the people you truly love to America, or make enough money to stop fishing in the Bahamas and live here with your real family? How much does it cost to get out of a marriage? All of these things were on my mind as I sent the final text to this woman in Nassau, Bahamas waiting for her legal husband to send her money to support her actual family. My neighbor turned to me after and he said, I’m fucked aren’t I? I told him I didn’t really know but it did seem that he jumped into this business deal quite prematurely. She doesn’t know how to get you papers, I told him. Is “I’m sorry” the correct response? Who knows, but I said it anyway.

I walked away and thought to myself, shall I ever decide to marry, it’ll be because I truly deeply have thought about the institution and the person to which I would be committing myself. But not a millisecond later, I realized how lucky I am to have that option – to marry should I wish and to not marry if I don’t. My fortunate background and culture have given this option to me, but the world is a vicious place, one where this backwards-moral-means-to-an-end is ever too abundant.